An Ailment ( Courfeyrac )

[Deleted]

Courfeyrac,

Mother sent me another one of her intrusive letters again today. She was worried sick in her last one, and I hope my reply did at least a little to put her at ease. I made the irreversible error of telling her of the arrangement I have with Eponine, which caused her to pry even further, and now she has the ridiculous notion that I fancy her. You can imagine I wrote back quickly to assure her that this was not to case—but now I daresay I cannot cease turning the idea over in my head now that Mother has planted it there. I can’t help but feeling…agitated whenever I think of her, puerile as it may sound. I fear for my own health as this is a frequent occurrence, and I’ve scheduled an appointment with my physician for this coming Friday, since I cannot think of anything myself that may be ailing me.

Hope to talk with you soon,

-Combeferre

[Deleted]

Combferre,

No offense, mon ami, but as much as I find parents to be general nuisances, have you ever considered that your maman might be correct? Or that this agitation you mention might not be unhealthy, but rather a sign that you are actually a functioning and healthy human male?

Don't be such a Joly.

Courfeyrac.

[Deleted]

Courfeyrac,

No I have not ever fostered the notion that Mother may be right--why ever would she be right? How could she be right about this? My feelings are purely platonic, I'll have you and her know. I have no interest in the affections of any woman, nor have I ever. Do you know that for a while I considered becoming a monk, but reconsidered upon realizing that the fathers would not appreciate my interest in secular philosophy? That's how little I'm interested in such frivolity. The idea of my being in love is absolutely preposterous, and I'm almost insulted that you're taking Mother's side in this matter.

I'm not being a Joly, I'm only saying the only logical explanation is that I have some kind of medical disorder!

- Combeferre

[Deleted]

Young man, you are truly an enigma. As the Bard would say, the lady doth protest too much. (You are the lady.) You are also in love, or at least in lust. I agree, you would make a terrible monk. I don't imagine there is any room in your mind for the books of the Bible when it is filled with the moths and flowers and denial!

[Deleted]

My friend, surely you must be mistaken. I have done everything in my power to avoid this, surely this can't be happening! There must be some other explanation because I cannot be falling in love, it just isn't possible--and no, this isn't lust either, I refuse to consider that a possibility because that is nothing disrespectful to her and to me. I don't need a distraction right now, not when everything is falling into place...do you think she notices? Dear God, have I made an utter fool out of myself? I don't know what to do.

-Combeferre

[Deleted]

Combferre, Combferre, my friend! You might be wise to talk yourself out of something with Eponine, it is true, but that does not mean you can deny that these feelings exist. Nor should you fault yourself for them! They are perfectly natural, for one thing, and you have never wavered in your faithfulness to our cause. It is as Bousset says; for some of our men, their heroism comes from women. When a man is in love, it makes him fight all the more fiercely.

-Courfeyrac

[Deleted]

What do you mean it might be wise? Are you referring to the fact that I am bourgeois and she is not and obviously my parents wouldn't be glad to hear of it? I'm well aware of that and--theoretically speaking, if I were in love with her--I could care less what she is or what my parents think. I'm denying they exist because they don't exist, because I say they don't exist.

It's not simply a case of wavering in the cause because I know--and so do you--that nothing could change that. It is the fact that I may die that makes me so averse to having these feelings. How fair would it be if I--theoretically--told her that I loved her, and then marched off to my death? No, if I were in love with her then I certainly wouldn't acknowledge it.

- Combeferre

[Deleted]

You wound me, my friend. You know that I am the last man in Paris who would suggest that class could come between a man and a woman.

Your defense of Eponine's character is noble. I duly note it.

As for your philosophical argument that if you say your feelings do not exist, then they therefore do not exist, perhaps we could discuss it in greater detail in person over some good wine. We could consider George Berkeley's classic question as to whether a tree exists even if no one is present to perceive it.

Ah, Blaise... would you believe me if I told you that I empathized with this dilemma? Your concern about her feelings tells me what I need to know. I know you are naturally compassionate, but all the same...

Any continuation of this conversation will require wine.

[Deleted]

Meet me tomorrow at the cafe at six. I'll pay for your wine, as for myself, I'll only have tea. You know I don't drink.

- Combeferre

[Deleted]

You also supposedly don't pay attention to women. We shall see.